• Facebook Status: Today’s mood: optimistic but slightly hungry.

  • Facebook Status: I’m on a seafood diet—I see food and I eat it.

  • Facebook Status: I’m silently correcting your grammar.

  • Facebook Status: Stress spelled backwards is desserts. Just saying.

  • Facebook Status: Coffee first. Adulting later.

  • Facebook Status: I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.