Facebook Status: I followed my heart… it led me to the fridge.

Facebook Status: I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.

Facebook Status: I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.

Facebook Status: I started a new diet today. It’s called “I’ll start properly on Monday.”

Facebook Status: I wish Facebook had a algorithm which would tag me in other people’s fights. I want to see all the drama.

Facebook Status: One of my favourite pastimes is imagining politicians trying to get away with the same shenanigans in their mother’s home.