Facebook Status: I speak fluent sarcasm.

Facebook Status: My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.

Facebook Status: Adulting is like folding a fitted sheet… nobody really knows how.

Facebook Status: I need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Facebook Status: I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me.

Facebook Status: My wallet is like an onion… opening it makes me cry.