WhatsApp Status: I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table is a bully, and the walls get in my way.

WhatsApp Status: I’m currently out of my mind. Please leave a message at the beep.

WhatsApp Status: “Everything happens for a reason.” Usually, that reason is that I’m bad at making decisions.

WhatsApp Status: My life is basically a series of snack-related decisions held together by mild anxiety.

WhatsApp Status: I’m not a morning person or a night person. I’m more of a ‘briefly functional between 2 and 4pm’ person.

WhatsApp Status: Online at 2am because my thoughts don’t respect office hours.