Facebook Status: I don’t need an alarm clock. My anxiety has me covered from about 3am onwards.

Facebook Status: Accidentally liked a photo from 2019 while stalking someone. Currently for sale: one phone, one identity, one life.

Facebook Status: My therapist told me to write letters to people I resent and then burn them. Now what do I do with all these stamps.

Facebook Status: Woke up this morning motivated, focused and ready to take on the world. That was 4 hours ago. Currently horizontal. Send snacks.

Facebook Status: I have decided I am not ‘messy.’ I am a ‘visual organiser’ and I will not be taking questions.

Facebook Status: My fridge and I have a lot in common. We both run all day and achieve nothing.